The third installment of the series is my perspective. Being over 30 seems to automatically mean there’s something horribly wrong with me or I have unreasonable standards. Both are false. Remember to show my girl, Ce, some love at her site.
The conservative movement is supposed to be about each American living their own American Dream on their own terms (within the Constitution and laws). It’s an appealing way of life, but the movement is also centered on marriage and family. This puts me and those in my same situation of singleness in an uncomfortable spot. We are bombarded with family values and engagements and wedding invitations and baby announcements and glances of pity and sometimes fear- fear of the person catching this icky disease of singleness.
As I sit down to write this it is late and I’ve completed a full day of work, played therapist to a friend on the way home, taken care of all the laundry for the week, cleaned the kitchen, set the coffee pot for the morning, put together my breakfast for tomorrow, held 11 conversations on various media platforms, ran the vacuum, and made my bed with the clean sheets I just washed. Some days it’s overwhelming to do everything alone then go to bed alone just to wake up alone and do it all over again… Alone.
I love what I do in politics. I love writing and following the news cycles. I love to travel across the country. I love the passion I see in those with whom I work online and in person. What I don’t love is being single. What I don’t love even more is the pity and condescension that comes from some of these people I love so much when they find out that yes, at 32, I am still single (single since *ahem* 2007 when I separated from my now late husband) with no prospects in sight. Sure from time to time there’s been a guy who’s almost piqued my interest but in the end it’s ended before it began. And occasionally some thug wannabe will try to approach me at the ghetto gas station near my home and try to pick me up with slurred English and pants hanging almost to the ground, but this girl does have some standards.
Ah standards, those pesky things keeping us from picking a complete loser. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I’m wrong for having my standards or that I should lower them or that I’m just too picky. For the record, I have exactly six standards. That’s it- six.
- We have the same faith. He loves God above all else and can be the spiritual head of our home and family.
- He loves me and is attracted to me.
- I love him and am attracted to him (he doesn’t have to be the world’s hottest man to be attractive to me).
- We have to be politically like-minded. He doesn’t have to be glued to politics like I am, but being aware, voting, and have the same basic ideologies is a must.
- He has to have a job, not live in his parents’ basement (or any part of his parents’ house), and have a car.
- Be- or be willing to become- gluten free (I’m not kissing someone who’ll make me horribly sick if we touch lips and he hasn’t done a full biohazard cleanse of his mouth after eating).
That’s it. Anything else I might like on top of those six things is just bonus. And yet here we are. I appreciate my family and friends being all concerned, but there’s only so many times a person can be asked if they’re seeing anyone yet before something akin to the climax of a horror movie happens*. It seems as though they don’t understand how much it hurts to be reminded I am apparently deficient in some fashion for being without a partner. Never mind I have crawled my way out of some pretty catastrophic situations to a point where I’m thriving. Never mind I have a good job with good benefits, my own place, a reliable car, I travel all over the country, and I’m living my own dream of writing. Forget all those wonderful things that make life so amazing, all that is nothing in the dark shadow of not having a significant other.
I’m not delusional, I have my issues and quirks and hang-ups, but I’m also fiercely loyal, loving, intelligent, adventurous (get that mind out of the gutter, I love to travel and be spontaneous), faithful, hard-working, funny, generous, forgiving, and I’m a magician in the kitchen. Yet when I get together with other conservatives at conferences, I see a not-so-secret secret hook-up culture winning out over making any real connections beyond one-night stands, business, and networking. I don’t sleep around. I firmly believe I am worth the wait- his and mine. But while I wait, I get discouraged. Is there really little more than a random hook-up in a hotel at a conservative convention all that’s left for us single folks? George Iles said, “Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.” For now, I’ll hold onto hope there’s more.
*This statement is in no way a threat to any person or persons in my life.
Ruth is an adventurer, writer, and baker. Her work can be found on her blog Conservative and Bacon (www.missruth1021.wordpress.com). Ruth can be found on Twitter and Instagram @MissRuth1021. All American Blogger thanks her for her contribution.